Thank You. It’s the New “F” You.

This year, my plan is to make “Thank You” the new “F**k You.”  Becoming enlightened is that simple. I just saved you years of practice and thousands of dollars, not to mention some time in therapy.  You are welcome. 

Here are some examples of my recent extreme enlightenment:

The Universe has been so good to me, especially last year. It’s given me a million ways to use my new mantra of “Thank you.” Here are some examples of my uber yoginess:

  • I was practicing yoga and one of the other students commented that they couldn’t believe I could still “do it” at my age. Thank you!
  • My mother-in-law recently commented that she didn’t know I worked.  Or taught yoga. Or wrote a book.  She also noted that for the last 50 years I have been loading the dishwasher wrong. Thank you!
  • Last year my father-in-law died, my dog died, my mother got cancer, we lost jobs and we were audited by the I.R.S. Dear Universe, Thank you!
  • At a yoga workshop I was looking for a strap to use for Natarajasana, Dancer’s Pose. I asked one of the organizers where they were, and she replied, “Oh, you mean the strap you were supposed to bring from home?”  She then grabbed her foot and did the full pose. Thank you!
  • I recently spoke with an executive with a big yoga company about doing something with my book, and she noted that since I was not Rodney Yee, she didn’t see anything we could do “synergistically.”  Thank you! 
  • The same goes for a particular yoga and athletic wear manufacturer who has now promised that I will absolutely never be an Ambassador over their dead bodies.  THANK YOU!
  • And to everyone else who will do me wrong in the upcoming year, I appreciate the chance to demonstrate my extreme enlightenedness by saying in advance, thank you.  Really, I do.  Now I think I need to get to my mat.  Namaste, bitches.

Michelle Berman Marchildon is the Yogi Muse.  She’s the author of “Finding More on the Mat,” a yoga memoir available from Amazon.com. She is funny, this is funny, don’t write a letter.  Thank you!

11 Comments

  1. Michelle Thorn on January 12, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Ba ha ha! You are the BEST. I want to thank you (in the old way, not your new way) for just being you. You make me laugh, you make me want to be a better yogi and you keep me inspired. Here’s to a thankful new year.

  2. elle on January 12, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Seriously. I love you. My favorite part about Thank You being the new F You is I can totally hear you saying Thank You in juuuuust that fashion.

    You rock.

  3. Bettina Barbier on January 12, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Michelle,

    For the laughter, thank you! Meant in the most real and original sense, of course. 🙂

    Bettina

  4. Justin Kaliszewski on January 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    I love me too, thank you Michelle

  5. Ariane on January 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Oh Michelle, I LOVE YOU. This is so great, made me really laugh.

    XOXOX from your brand-new fan,
    Ariane

    PS Everybody else: go thank yourself! ;>

  6. Laurie Myers Yoga on January 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Oh my god! This gave me such a good laugh! You rock! Thank-you-very-much!

  7. lynn caffrey on January 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Oh my!!! For reminding me to say “thank you” to all those situations that can be so challenging, I am grateful that you have, once again, put a smile on my face and a touch of humor in my day!!!

  8. Tia Pirkl on January 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    This enlightenment thing has got to be about keeping it real, keeping it light and laughing whenever humanly possible. Much appreciation!!!!

  9. Lisa Niver Rajna on January 12, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    I love your post! I would thank you but that would be the WRONG message!

  10. chrissy on February 16, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    you’re so clever! just brilliant. thank you–and by thank you I mean THANK YOU

  11. […] is to say “You are welcome.” The Universe is teaching me this lesson in spades.  Honestly, I am much better at saying ‘Thank you,’ but with time, I hope that I will be able to say ‘You’re welcome’ and actually mean it. […]

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