This year, my plan is to make “Thank You” the new “F**k You.” Becoming enlightened is that simple. I just saved you years of practice and thousands of dollars, not to mention some time in therapy. You are welcome.
Here are some examples of my recent extreme enlightenment:
The Universe has been so good to me, especially last year. It’s given me a million ways to use my new mantra of “Thank you.” Here are some examples of my uber yoginess:
- I was practicing yoga and one of the other students commented that they couldn’t believe I could still “do it” at my age. Thank you!
- My mother-in-law recently commented that she didn’t know I worked. Or taught yoga. Or wrote a book. She also noted that for the last 50 years I have been loading the dishwasher wrong. Thank you!
- Last year my father-in-law died, my dog died, my mother got cancer, we lost jobs and we were audited by the I.R.S. Dear Universe, Thank you!
- At a yoga workshop I was looking for a strap to use for Natarajasana, Dancer’s Pose. I asked one of the organizers where they were, and she replied, “Oh, you mean the strap you were supposed to bring from home?” She then grabbed her foot and did the full pose. Thank you!
- I recently spoke with an executive with a big yoga company about doing something with my book, and she noted that since I was not Rodney Yee, she didn’t see anything we could do “synergistically.” Thank you!
- The same goes for a particular yoga and athletic wear manufacturer who has now promised that I will absolutely never be an Ambassador over their dead bodies. THANK YOU!
- And to everyone else who will do me wrong in the upcoming year, I appreciate the chance to demonstrate my extreme enlightenedness by saying in advance, thank you. Really, I do. Now I think I need to get to my mat. Namaste, bitches.
Michelle Berman Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. She’s the author of “Finding More on the Mat,” a yoga memoir available from Amazon.com. She is funny, this is funny, don’t write a letter. Thank you!