The Blog that ended with the resignation of the Lululemon CEO. Seriously.
Once again, on my “To Be” list for 2012 is to be an Ambassador for Lululemon. But even though I am a popular and skilled teacher in Denver, and have written a yoga book, and I’m super freaking hot, I am still not a Lululemon Ambassador. Why? Dare I say it’s because I’m over 50.
Let me tell you something: If you don’t give a shit about this right now, you will someday because unless you fuck it up, or get terribly sick, or get hit by a car, you too will be my age. It’s (much) better than the alternative.
It could also be that I am not a vegan with lots of time to Tweet about how I can put both feet behind my head (which I can). However, since I’ve begun Tweeting my song, my followers have tripled. Here’s the song:
“Oh Lord, won’t you make me a Lulu Ambassador, My friends all wear Tonic, Lucy and Prana, I worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my core, So Lord, won’t you make me a Lulu Ambassador.” (Sung to the tune of Mercedes Benz)
Interestingly, I think we might video my Friday class singing it for YouTube. I hear this is a popular way to get a message across. It worked for Lululemon with that “Shit Yogis Say” video featuring, you got it, a 20-year-old. (I love that video, just like the Lululemon clothes, I love them.)
After my class yesterday a student asked me why on earth I even want to be an Ambassador. I sometimes refer to this split as: “To Lulu, or not to Lulu,” because that is often the question. You know, those clothes by Lululemon are really fucking expensive, right? And hello, they only make clothes for small people size 12 and under, which is just wrong. And lastly, they only feature young people in their marketing. How many 20-year-olds have $92 for a pair of pants? Bring on the sexy old people with money. (My people will call your people, okay?)
The real reason I want to be an Ambassador is because even though I have been teaching for six years, and have written a book, and have trained many of my local stores’ current Ambassadors, and have all the little Lululemons in my classes every single week, and wear their clothes too much of the time, and have started not one but TWO yoga-oriented charities in my area, and I’m trained in two styles of yoga, and I teach for them for free, I have never been asked. I want to be a Lululemon Ambassador, and I’d also very much like to have dinner with George Clooney. I will probably have a better chance with George Clooney when I’m at the Tadasana Festival in Los Angeles this year.
I know this rant is probably not going to get me what I want, but it sure was fun. And my phone is ringing which could be Lululemon calling (I’m a yogi, right? We are ridiculously optimistic.) This morning I even filled out my fourth application online, because like Rumi said, if you want to touch the sky you better learn how to kneel. I’m on my knees, Lululemon, and at my age I may need help getting back up.
Michelle Berman Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. She’s the author of “Finding More on the Mat,” a yoga memoir from Amazon.com.